A day off on the verge of 30

A day off on the verge of 30
Current mood: hopeful

Came across one of those self analysis questionnaires that makes you visualize answers to the questions and then when you're done it tells you what it means... so the first question was ...

Q. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With whom?
My answer: my past
Analysis: The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.

My answer and the analysis gives me pause. Because it's true. Sometimes I spend time (too much time) thinking about the past. I especially remember friendships and boyfriends that have brought love to my life. And I think of the people that didn't. I remember things I had been hopeful about that became hopeless. I see things like, missed opportunities, lost loves, especially those didn't-leave-his-ass-fast-enough loves, and you know, stuff like that. But having my past be so prevalent in my life keeps me on my toes. I remember vividly all of my 'agos' so that I don't lose my footing on this rocky road we travel.

I want to be present by remembering the things that have gotten me here, the good and the bad, so I never say regret. Do you? I see past failings as path correctors and attitude adjustments … that hurt because I didn't listen to myself in the first place. How many times have I heard that innervoice and ignored it. Through trial and error we all find our way. Likewise I see my accomplishments and am proud. Because it was at those times in particular that I have been at the top of my game.

I think of two young women, my friends, who have gone to heaven. Christine and Shannon each of whom I shared a separate sisterhood. We partied, we drank, we made passes at boys, we loved, we laughed, we forgave, we fought, we cried. Their friendships have helped mold me to who I am and will become and they deserve my deepest gratitude, and I owe them more than that.

I think of my road to womanhood (30 is imminent – as in TOMORROW imminent) and I thank GOD for my smarts, my legs, my honesty, and my ability to look at the bigger picture; for finding it my duty to be ego-less when dealing with others – so shit can get done - when others aren't willing to do the same; and for knowing when to be sweet and when to be mean.

I've learned all these things about me through my past.

So yeah, I think about my past a lot. Because the most important person in the room is me and the people I love. I don't take spiritual growth lightly. I am ever a student in this walk and ever aware that someday the student must become the teacher.

*The Universe is a buffet for your soul, choose carefully what you will feed it.